The Music Man

I've always been pretty good a judging my surroundings.  My third grade class, I walked in and knew it would be a good year.  It was.  Ninth grade science, same.  And Tenth lit.  Central Connecticut State University Writing Program--I loved the atmosphere from the start.  And the eca writhing program- I walked in and knew I belonged.   Marching band...I knew it was going to be hard, but worth it. 

This was completely different though.  It was that I wasn't welcomed, no--I wasn't cut out for it.  Very hostile atmosphere, to say the least.  Not that it was anyone's fault.

I just can't sing, so of course a chorus room scares me.  I;m still coming to terms with even landing a part in the school musical.  Still pondering what gave me the insane idea to try out.

I don't know what they're talking about, sorting us into tenners and altos, sopranos and basses, it all just sounds like the saxophone section to my band nerd ears.  I didn't realize people could sing those parts. 

I'm an alto, or so they assign me.  Its the lowest girl part, so I'm told.  I'm not allowed to go any lower in my 'gender role'.  It makes my gender queer self enraged.  Probably helped by the fact nearly all the notes were to high for me to hit.  I eventually stopped singing, I sounded so bad.

I was right when I thought I was in for a long night.

But I made the most of it.  And guess who is singing tenor now (technically just an octave lower).

But I want more.  I'm just a chorus member, so this to me seems like a good time to create my own character.  Don't get me wrong, I don't want to make a fuss.  I just want to go on stage as a man.

I know it may seem weird, but its normal to me.  I've never been 'girly'.  It makes sense too, or so I'm told.  I can pull of 'guy' with my short hair and stocky build.  My face looks just like my father's.  I sing with a deep voice, in the chorus, and have no speaking lines, so my voice won't give me away.  And, all in all, I'd be ten times more comfortable in a pair of knickers and a button down shirt (hat?) than any girl clothes of the time. 

It makes me rethink my first impression.  If I had walked in there as a guy, would I have felt more at home?